Recording of the cd went great. here's some info on the next month.

Current tenative release is November 16 at Juanita's....yeah...that's it.

drop me a line if i haven't heard from you in a while...

 I am thankful for.

• Shane Mills- my dad who has provided me with everything and brought me up in Christ
• Peggy Mills- my mother who loves Christ and me more than I can imagine.
• Lorene Mills- most Godly, humble woman ive ever met, my drive is to be like her
• Sarah Lay- my other amazing loving grandmother
• Aunt Janet- I love my aunt and her beautiful amazing daughters, Emily and Abby who i want only the best for and will do anything to protect.
• Cassie Mills- my beautiful, Godly sister. I am SOOO proud of her you cant even imagine. She has an amazing husband, a Godly home, amazing design talent, and I love her dearly.
• My aunt Charlotte- my baby sitter when i still pooped my pants
• My Uncle Mike- hilarious
• my cousin Meredith who has always been my honest connection and guidance
• my dad playing catch with me in the front yard
• my dad throwing me long sideline passes down the sidewalk
• my dad fixing my foot after i cut it in the river
• my dad loving my mom the way he does. the only time ive seen him get really angry with me is when I have been in the wrong and come against her.
• my dad coaching my baseball team
• my dad loving me and always listening
• my dad wanting to be there
• my dad playing music with me
• my dad providing financially for me
• my dad showing me how to serve
• my mom cleaning up my throwup
• my mom staying up every night until i fell asleep when i couldnt sleep for a long time
• my mom taking me to the store with her
• my mom for loving me and praying with me
• my dad praying with me at night
• my dad walking in the woods with me and talking to me about God
• my mom sitting with me at my grandma's while I cried because of a storm i thought might be the end of the world
• my mom being at every baseball, football, and basketball game i ever had and cheering her heart out.
• my mom taking me to blockbuster
• my parents always making Christmas amazing
• riding in the car with my family looking at Christmas lights
• Candlelight service at my church
• my mom's loving humble heart
• my parent's prayers for me
• vacations with my family
• my mom- just
• my dad- just being there
• my sister- just being there
• my sister letting me crash on her floor at night when i was little cause i was scared
• my sister's letter to me when i first started high school at fifteen, i found it six years later and it inspired me
• my sister's example
• my sister's love for her husband
• Ben Booth- my sister's husband. there is no other man i would want her to be with
• God sustaining my life through pain
• My church growing up
• the truth of God
• his patience in my struggle
• his timing which i still dont understand
• The word of God which saved my life- physical and spiritual
• Psalm 4- he heard my cry while i was on my bed
• his open forgiveness
• the freedom he gave me from pornography
• the free forgiveness that lead to that
• God ALLOWING me to believe
• God giving the me the most fearfull, weak, doubter in the world the ability to believe
• God sending his son- imagine the person i love the most, up on a cross, being beaten for what i had done and do.
• God's perfect will and timing and strength, which will someday impower me to let those things out that are on the inside of me.
• my answered heart for my friend Gu- just that he would know God
• For Gu's loyalty
• for Gu's honesty
• for his honest smile and laugh (sure that sounds gay, but you love someone and see them this, it will effect you
• for purpose, which i still rebel against
• God not letting me jump off a bridge 100 times
• God's physical blessings on my life
• i can run
• i can swim
• i can see sun, the moon, my friends, my parents, my grandmothers, my family, my bible, my path, sunsets, mountains, birds, my cat, the guitar, tennis balls, baseballs, snow, the ocean, eyes filled with love for me, my friends being baptized, christmas lights, my home, grass, lakes, my dog, clouds, books, video games, movies, food, color!
• i can walk- i see people come in all the time to marketplace in wheelchairs, this is not right
• my nose always being stopped up- because one day God will open it up and I will breathe full and deeper than I ever have.
• my imperfection- my big stomach, my chubbiness in high school, my uncool long hair, my fear, my doubt, my weakness, my inability to sing high, my vanity, my desire for power and control so i cant be hurt again, my struggle with sexual addiction my whole life until I knew Christ's love and forgiveness. my emptiness and depression for years of my life without christ. The dark places my mind can go. I am thankful for these things because they show me for what is there, which is nothing at all without Christ. I would be dead, physically and spirirtually, if God had not interceeded at JUST the right moment and saved me from death. God did not save an average sinner, I was dark and in darkness, and he brought me light and Love, although i dont understand everything now, I do believe he has saved me once and will do it again.
• my freedoom from pornography that Christ allowed. The bible says something along the lines that Paul was saved to show the grace of christ shown to the WORST of sinners. I was the worst in the world of pornography. the sick things i have seen would shame me now and would shame even the people who love me if everyone could see what ive done in the past. they and my friends might turn away from me. AND YET there is Christ LOVING ME ANYWAY! when no one would, not even myself.
• people who have listened to me over the past two years
• Matt Carpenter for listening and listening to me talk
• Matt for praying with me and being Christ's example
• God for putting me across the street from the chi alpha office
• God giving me the friends that i REALLY enjoyed there and felt i belonged with
• making videos
• the ideas that I have
• the music that God alone gives me and continues to provide, even in my lack of dedication to him, he keeps it coming
• an outlet to reach people
• an outlet to be honest and fully myself
• an outlet to be human
• Matt Marlin- Mars Volta, and his humor that is like mine, and his decation and want for Christ, and our time in a small city on a hill
• Ryan Laj- for his love for Christ and the ability of Christ to change lives and create hearts that are huge. I believe what this kid says and respect him greatly
• Brian Rhame- every time he prayed with me, spent time with me, hung out with me, laughed with me, read the bible to me in d group, raided other d groups, prayed with me after I had fallen deep and did not even remotely condemn me, for being a man, honest and following God. for his friendship and just his presence in my life.
• Alyssa Millner- for praying continually for me after first meeting me two years ago like i know she did, that i am thankful for more than i can say, and for being someone i simply enjoy, which is sometimes rare.
• Matt Carpenter- for being in submisson to God and therefore being able to help me when I was ready to give up. for listening, and praying, and leading, and laughing, and loving his family, and challenging me to be more. and for seeing the real me and the possibilities there, and not letting me give it up, but seeing those things possible too.
• Ginny Mc- for being incredibly honest. for opening the door for me at a fall retreat and letting me share my greatest fears in front of people. for her heart, and what i know it wants to see happen for the broken people in this world.
• Tony Williams- for leading like a Godly man should, for someone grasping humility and giving God control.
• C- Rod- for being my friend. someone i love and respect and who laughs at my stupid jokes and will continue to grow and be an amazing man of God who will help people
• Tyler Moreheart- for his simple simple faith that I want. for his humility and confidence. for his love and heart that has SOMEHOW grasped onto how life should be.
• Kris Allen- I will follow him anywhere. his humility is amazing and so i trust what he says and believe he is capable of anything. for his friendship and late nights at the edge
• for JJ and Eric- who believe big things in their hearts for God, and want to see them happen, i am thankful for all of my roomates who i can talk about God with and pray and live. and for Eric's SPT's
• Seth Latture- I have grown with him since freshman year. he knew me before christ and so we dont fake very well with each other, we know each others dark spots and light. for late night buddy chat, for music, for crazy road trips, for his family, for his prayers, for his prayer today, for Rennis, June Beene, for state hall, for waterfall pictures, for bike rides, for his desire for Christ, for his dedication to the word, for struggling with the same things i do, for being my friend, for believing what i believe, for his fears, for his doubts, so i know i am not alone in mine! For what i know hes going to be, for his family and wife and kids
• Mandi Tollett- for being herself, and for being one of the greatest girls i have ever known. for her heart that is deep and real, not one fake inch. For her love for her family, which deserves answered prayer. for her patience, and forgiveness, and care for me. and for listening and being there. she has been there countless times. and for laughing, and for just being a part of my life.
• Michael Holmes- who I knew after meeting at Juanita's and laughing about squirell chatter keyboards had my sense of humor, which is rare. for Michael's friendship, and for ideas and designing...lamps
• Jordan Wright- for being someone i really actually sincerely enjoy like hanging out with. for bike rides and "ill kill you" calls, and still being the champ, and the best live guitarist Ive ever seen. for the car ride where i realized i might have a friend until i was 90 years old on a front porch.
• For my first best friend, Russ Looney
• for my next best friend Ryan Boyles
• for my next best friend Austin Jones
• for my next best friends John and Nathan Shaw
• all of these guys will have amazing lives and will know Christ
• for the prayers i know God has heard
• for the day in my room when with all my heart I cried out to him to save me or i would die.
• for leading me to scripture and opening my eyes to see him for the first time.
• for forgiving me right then and there, no strins attached
• for loving me and giving me a new heart
• for the way waffles, spaghetti, funnel cake, fresh cut grass, the lake, rain, wind, girls hair, and tennis balls smell
• for rain and thunder and lightning,
• for dramatic music and movies
• for MUSIC!
• for letting me play for no apparent reason, just LETTING me, allowing me, blessing me, whewe!
• Candace Stracener- for being ridiculous, for loving God, and being one of the coolest people ever, for being a womb buddy, and a great piano player
• for Logoli state park and walking sticks
• for field trips with friends
• for sleepovers
• for birthday parties
• for late nights playing video games with my best friend Russ
• for 5:11 in the morning
• for Tombo
• for Slurp
• for Matt M's big fingers
• for four wheeler rides
• for Big Toe
• for the Regal
• for my first house's neighborhood friends
• for my second house's creek
• for my third house's beauty and friends
• for my mom's spaghetti, brownie's, hamburger helper, hot dogs, pb and j's, honey buns and frozen waffles.
• for God giving me a chance at life and existence
• for junior high football games
• for me not having a girlfriend growing up (now i am anyway)
• for baseball
• for the Great Gatsby
• for my parents picking me up at friend's house's when I couldn't sleep
• for my 92 Bronco that was SICK
• for my t- blazin which has been sturdy and blessed
• for my health, one tiny broken bone in my whole life
• I am not sick
• I live in a country with food and oppurtunity
• I do not live in civil war
• I was not sold into prostitution as a young child
• I was not subjected to racism or segregation as an innnocent child
• I was not beaten
• I was not left alone at home
• I was not abandoned
• I was not orphaned by tragedy
• i can read
• i can write
• i have access to information and the truth
• for family reunion's
• for my grandma's old house
• for a mission trip to Spain
• for Pappyon- I failed you, but I will see you in heaven
• for my job which i love and provides financially for me
• for Pastor Rick Bezet and new life church, which on my first entry spoke about forgiveness, and hit me right in my heart
• For God's grace with my studies,and help in my weakness there.
• For God's patience, even now
• For God's truth that will come into my friends lives and help them!
• for little things
• for all the beautiful sunsets ive ever seen
• for all the amazing star nights Ive seen
• for getting to see a star explode or something at Salem
• for the truth
• for worship
• for understanding
• for peace
• for sunday school
• for VBS
• for Hula hoops
• for dodgeball
• for ONE fine day being able to completely myself, open and honest
• for LAUGHTER
• for giving me jokes
• for random thoughts
• for life
• for death
• for what will come that i dont understand
• for God's perfection, in that i do not understand it, and yet, in his perfection, he will save me in his perfect timing. he knows my heart, understands my fear, yet sees what I want to happen. He is past what I understand, and my much, of my family, many of my friends, and many of anyone reading this will one day spend eternity in joy with him. they will  no longer fight against sadness, confusion, doubt, or fear, or death. they will understand, and know the truth.

There is obviously more out of 22 years, but hopefully ill be thankful again and have to write another list. thanks to everyone i know, many of you i enjoy so much and want such good things for.

An empty vessel.

The greatness of man's power is the measure of his surrender - William Booth.

The following is a letter we found written in perfect calligraphy at my great aunt's house. It was written by my great Uncle in 1897 to his soon to be wife...they were married a month later...

       Dear Lillie.

                                       Doubtless you will be suprised to get this after thinking over what we last talked about. I have decided not to wait two weeks before I come again. You said you didnt know other you could come to new home Sunday or not. I want you to come some time Sunday evening, (if you are not able) I will be late and if you are game I will wait untill you return, you will think  this is a bold start to come without asking your concent, but I think  you will pardon me for it.

       Dearest I wish you would come to the examination and help me over the hardest places, and it would be a great pleasure to see you, your presents drives every care away, and brings pleasure. The utmost thought in my mind is if  I could be with you every day. The desire to be with you all the time increases every day. All the pleasure I see is when I am with you. I will not write any more fear you become disgusted at this. So Dearest I will say good night for present.

      I am yours affecionate, Lewis Payne

excuse bad writing I wrote in a hurry.

Not a lot left to say after that. This is what my heart wants. it is a terrible thing to not love like this anymore, with innocence and realness. The world has made this seem impossible.

hey hey hey, schools almost out, let me know what youre doing this summer, we have our last show for a long time at white water tavern this thursday night, so if you need a break from finals, just come on down...leave me a message if you need directionst too.

ps.dont forget mother's day